Yesterday my dad privately messaged me on discord and sent his condolences because he saw a message in the Jokester’s discord about me being depressed. In his message he said he “wanted to hear my voice”.
In the 36 years of being his daughter I have never once enjoyed phone calls, especially with my family. I hate it. I hate being questioned and lectured and given “wisdom” from someone who has never been invested in me or my happiness.
I think I’ve moved on from wanting a traditional mother and father. I was never given emotional support. I was always mocked or dismissed for my feelings. They never gave me unconditional love and the worst thing I ever did was cry a lot. Meanwhile my sister pulls a knife on my dad and sends nasty messages to his wife. But still he gives her most of his attention. It has always been that way.
There are a lot of times when I think about my parents dying. I’m pretty sure I would not go to either funeral. Actually, I’m very sure.
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